Wednesday, April 01, 2009

April Fools Day

So I gave her the old ‘Taiwanese Euphemism’...

Back in the day there was a mildly entertaining website that I visited every day, in my desperate search for mild amusement. I’m sure M still remembers the site. As I become increasingly Kaczynski-ish, I find that I can barely muster the enthusiasm to check the Onion once a week. Anyhow, it had some clever randomized scripts that would take your input (name, credit card#, whatever) and produce something funny. Ok. That’s a weak description. I’ll see if I can find the site again. Found it It had a Mr. T Name Generator, a Random Bar Joke Generator, that sort of thing. Actually, looking back through their archive... that site ruled. It was like a proto-blog — before blogging was cool.

And so we arrive at my point. It would be so easy to make a dirty, racist euphemism generator. Just combine a list of nationalities with a list of other words. Food-related words work particularly well. I came to this realization after encountering a string of hilarious menu items that were totally going to waste describing food. ‘The Mexican Salad’. ‘The Irish Breakfast’. ‘The Tijuana Milkshake’. (I made the last one up.)

Can’t you imagine overhearing some filthy bastard saying that they’d given their wife the old ‘Irish Breakfast’? It could mean almost anything, but to give a possible example... maybe it means unprotected sex and a punch in the face. Some ethnicities work better than others. The Irish Wedding, the Irish Handshake, its all golden. Anyway, by sharing this hilarious phenomenon with you, I hope to have, in some small way, made the world a more racially intolerant place. Happy April 1st from Chocolate City. (New Orleans, not D.C.)